"Sandwich-ing"

Boomers, The First "Sandwich" Generation...

For the first time in modern history, a large portion of an entire generation finds themselves "sandwiched" between to competing and equally important care-taking roles: care for their aging parents while supporting their own children (both minors and adult), and for some, even grandchildren. 20 million in 2009 were doing just that, a number that is growing quickly, as the number of Boomers needing to care for elder parents continues to grow (currently at 34 million), and 52% (and rising) of Boomers have adult children between 18-24 still living at home, up from 25% in 1990. This isn't counting Boomers with young children.

According to the Pew Research Center, just over 1 of every 8 Americans aged 40 to 60 is both raising a child and caring for a parent, in addition to between 7 to 10 million adults caring for their aging parents from a long distance. And since the Great Recession, 1 child of every 10 in the US lives with a grandparent.

Why this generation....why now....

For Boomers, the answer is one part "others" one part "us"...
Others: As people live longer, the chance that they will need extensive care-taking has increased, particularly as more treatments and medical advances claim improved quality of life, but end up enhancing quantity instead. The Great Recession has forced many families into fiscal desperation mode, thus adult children who have lost their job must move home (often with their own children in tow), elders cannot afford to turn to professionals for assistance so must turn to their children instead, and grandchildren with parents who cannot afford to raise them are given to grandparents to handle.
Us: As a generation, Boomers have expanded their child-bearing/rearing years far beyond those of past generations. We're having new families, blended families, and babies, in our mid-40's, our 50's, and even our 60's (that last one is mostly men...). So, when our parents were shooing us out of the house to go fly on our own so they could fly to Boca, for retirement, we're raising another whole family.

The combination has become a one-two punch that is draining Boomers' resources, both financially and emotionally.

The toll...

A recent poll conducted by AgingCare.com, a website and online forum for people caring for their aging parents, found a "triple threat" associated with just the elder-care side of this sandwich alone:
Financial Issues

34% spend $300 or more per month out of their own pocket for caregiving expenses
54% have sacrificed spending money on themselves to pay for care of their parents
almost all stated that caregiving expenses were unplanned

Work Issues

43% have had to take time off work due to caregiving responsibilities
48% say they are earning less money at work as a result of caregiving
25% have been fired or had to quit their job as a result of caregiving

Physical/Emotional Toll

53% of caregivers provide care 40 or more hours per week (many in addition to their full-time careers)
37% provide care more than 80 hours per week
21% say they never get a break from caregiving
36% get a break of 5 hours or less a week.

And on the child-care side, numerous studies have shown the cost or raising a child from birth through college today totals $250,000. Those who are or have been parents of young children and teens can also attest to the above work financial and work issues are about equal to what we see above, and physical/emotional toll, although no doubt less, is quite similar...a break of 5 hours a week from parenting is usually considered a treat.

So now that we're completely depressed...any good news???

Of course....would I do that to you?
There are some interesting up-sides to this Boomer-first:
To today's recession economy
The cost savings to taxpayers as ever more Boomers are taking on, in essence, unpaid service that otherwise would be picked up by Medicare, is huge.
To our own recession situation
some Boomers can supplement themselves for their caretaking out of what would be their inheritance anyway, so the loss of their job winds up being the gaining of the time they need to care for an ailing elder.
To our children
You think our parents lived longer than expected? We're expected to live longer, and we will. So what we're doing for our parents, while simultaneously doing for the kids, our children will be doing for us while simultaneously doing for their kids. We may be the first generation in modern history to "sandwich" but most certainly will not be the last; in fact, this is the start of a way of life for many generations to come. We have literally taught them how to do it, so they can plan for better than we did, thus handle it with far fewer stessors than we experience.
Not a bad legacy - for them or us.

Finally, some tips for staying healthy (us) and being better prepared (our kids....and to some extent, us)

As a typical Boomer....I'll start with us (yes, we can be a bit of a self-consumed lot...but certainly we're coming through in this area....)

Tips for Us:
Preserve Your Assets - Don’t be a sandwich generation martyr by raiding your retirement savings to pay for your children’s college education or your parents’ long-term care. Your kids can take out student loans if necessary, and, as I mentioned above that some Boomers are smartly doing already, use your parents own assets to finance their care for as long as possible
Preserve Your Sanity - Too many of us are loathe to ask for help, whether from our own siblings, or our kids and friends. Once again, don't be a sandwich generation martyr. Have a currently unemployed adult kid living at home? Put 'em to work helping you with their grandparents' care. Same for school-age children; you can easily find age-appropriate things they can be doing to help, even if it's to help you thus freeing up a bit more time to help your parent(s). Let your friends, and your parents' healthier friends, be of assistance - many are happy to do it - even if it's a bit of companion time spent with your parents so you can get out and have a rest.
Get Insurance - If you can afford it, look into long-term care insurance for your parents if possible, but particularly for yourself. Whether it is right for you depends on several factors, including the cost of the coverage, how long you might need it, and what kind of benefits you want. If you or your parents eventually require nursing home care, however, long-term care insurance will offset those asset-draining costs.

Tips for our kids:
Plan Ahead - Keep the sandwich generation trend in mind when you’re projecting what kind of income you’ll need in retirement. Be sure to consider the possibility that you'll end up in the sandwich generation; one or more of your kids may need to come back home for awhile, raising your monthly costs or maybe delaying your plan to move to a smaller home. And if you have one or more parents still living, count on joining the sandwich generation as your parents may also need your financial help.

Tips for both our kids and us:
Assess the Situation Before Sandwich Generation Problems Arise - Talk with your parents (your kids) about their/your assets, how they/you want to live as they/you age, what kind of health care and lifesaving measures they/you do or don't want, and who should make legal and medical decisions for them/you if they/you are no longer able to handle their/your own affairs. This may be a difficult and uncomfortable conversation for you and your parents or kids, but answering these questions while there is still time to plan ahead can help both you and your children avoid at least the foreseeable sandwich generation problems.